So like usual, I went to Ben's this weekend. I arrived early (thanks to Lily giving me a ride from Dunedin). We had heaps of fun. It was a lazy weekend for me (like usual) and I played 'house-wifey' again...cooking, cleaning etc. But Sunday finally rolled around and it was time for me to leave =[
I started crying when it came close to Ben having to go to work. He leaves about 2ish so he's not home when I leave for the bus station. We were just sitting in the lounge eating lunch, so I excused myself and sat on the couch outside on the patio (it was sunny and warm). He came outside after about 15 minutes and saw me crying an immediatly thought it was because I wouldn't see him for a week. I shook my head and told him that wasn't the reason....The real reason... I think I love him again.
Now this is the dilemma.... We are only 17, so do we really know what love is????
And when I say again...this is because over the summer, Ben and I broke up after being together for over a year and a half. I took the brake up pretty hard, especially when I discovered he had got another girlfriend a few weeks later. Anyway we got back together in February (when I moved to Dunedin) and then after about a month...we went through yet another rough patch. This was because we both realised our feelings weren't exactly as strong as they use to be (which is understandable right?). But we knew we wanted to make it work again, and stuck at it... For ages we never said "I love you", we just started from scratch...
Back to the story... I explained to Ben that I was crying because I thought I loved him again, and was scared of it. I didn't want to 'fall in love' with someone who wasn't ready for that and then decide to leave me a few months down the track. He just sat there hugging me and explained that he did love me, but was too scared to say it because it didn't want to 'hurt me' again. The next thing I knew, I was balling my eyes out again because he said it, and from his face and voice, he genuinly ment it.
I find that I'm not scared to care anymore, and that I believe him when he tells me he doesn't want anyone else and won't leave me. I just hope it's the right thing to think. So anybody who reads this.... Do you think I'm doing the right thing? and is love all it seems???
I totally understand what you mean. It's hard because we're told by everyone that we're too young to understand. But then you see people in relationships who were our age when they met and they are beyond happy so maybe we should just see it as we are the lucky ones. shouldnt we see every relationship as forever otherwise why do you bother. so many people go out for stupid reasons, bt i believe if its for love, if its for friendship, for having that one person who you can be completely yourself with. Then why cant young love be real.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you put that =]
ReplyDeleteIt put a smile on my dial lol.